Steve Berman - Eminem

Eminem - Steve Berman Lyrics

As heard on The Marshall Mathers LP

Eminem: Heyyy
Steve: Hey, Em, what's up?
Eminem: Steve Berman. What's goin' on, man, how you doin? Good to see you again. What's up?
Steve: Em, could you come here and have a seat, please?
Eminem: Umm, yeah, what's...
Steve: Vannessa, shut the door
Secretary: Okay
Eminem: So what's up? How's orders looking for the first week?
Steve: It would be better if you gave me nothing at all
Eminem: Wh
Steve: This album is less than nothing. I can't sell this fucking record
Eminem: Wha
Steve: Do you know what's happening to me out there?
Eminem: Wh-wha-what's the problem?
Steve: Violent Ground told me to go fuck myself
Eminem: Who's Violent...?
Steve: Tower Records told me to shove this record up my ass! Do you know what it feels like to be told to have a record shoved up your ass?
Eminem: But, I
Steve: I'm gonna lose my fuckin' job over this. You know why Dre's record was so successful? He's rappin' about big-screen tv's, blunts, 40's and bitches. You're rappin' about homosexuals and Vicadin
Eminem: I mean
Steve: I can't sell this shit
Eminem: What
Steve: Either change the record or it's not coming out
Eminem: What, I
Steve: Now get the fuck out of my office
Eminem: What am I supposed
Steve: NOW
Eminem: Aight man, whatever
As heard on Devil's Nightby D12

(Eminem)Hey Steve, Vanessa said you waned to see me
(Steve)Marshall, I can call you Marshall right?
(Eminem)Uhh, sure
(Steve)Good. Sit the fuck down for a second
(Eminem)Okay...
(Steve)Do you just fuckin hate me?
(Eminem)Hate you? What
(Steve)What the fuck have I ever done to you? Your last record, we got lucky. This D12 album is FUCKED
(Eminem)What's wrong with it?
(Steve)I don't wanna rape my grandmother! I don't wanna have sex with pitbulls! I wanna roll on dubs, I want throw bows, I wanna rock prada
(Eminem)"Rock prada"?
(Steve)And who the fuck is this Bizarre guy?
(Eminem)What do you mean?
(Steve)Do you need a CAT scan?! Where the fuck did you find this guy?
(Eminem)I mean, I've known him like...
(Steve)This album's never coming out
(Eminem)Steve, you've only heard one song
(Steve)Fuck you! Get the fuck outta here! NOW
(Eminem)Okay, okay, shit
As heard on The Eminem Show

*Door knocks*

Steve Berman:
It's ridiculous, I can't believe it, what?
Hold on a minute
Em...

Eminem:
Whuddup?

Steve Berman:
Dre, I'll call you back

Eminem:
What now?

Steve Berman:
I don't even know where to start

Eminem:
Okay

Steve Berman:
I got the album from upstairs

Eminem:
And?

Steve Berman:
And this is by far the most...

*Gun shoots*

Steve Berman:
...incredible thing I've ever heard...

As heard on Relapse

(Ring Ring)
Secretary: Mr.Berman?
Steve: What?
Secretary: We have Eminem here to see you
Steve: About fuckin' time. Send him in
(Door opens)
Eminem: Steve! Good to see you man. Um,hey I jus
Steve: Well, look who decided to show his face! I hope you've had fun in the last four years
Em: Look man, I apologize again for
Steve: For shooting me?! Do you know I lost the use of my right arm?
Eminem: Again, it was a mistake. It was a terrible mista--- are you wearing a bulletproof vest?
Steve: And then you go and do, what, Hide out? Stay in Detroit for almost 5 years while the music industry melts the fuck down? Do you know how many people lost their jobs because of your fucking vacation?
Eminem: Well, that's actually why I'm here, I was gonna put out some new music and I wanted to play it for you and get your opinion
Steve: Do I REALLY need to hear it? Let me guess: Another album about "poor me, I'm so famous it has ruined my rich little life and I'm such a tortured artist let me make music about it and my tragic love life." Am I on to something here?
Eminem: C'mon, man! It's not like that
Steve: You know what? Just hand the fucking thing over! I'm done talking to you! Think you can just come and go as you please, big selfish superstar
Eminem: Steve, I had a drug problem
Steve: "Oh, poor me! I had a drug problem!" Who hasn't had a drug problem in this town? You know what?
(Cocks gun, Em: "Woah!")
Just lay this shit down on my desk and get the fuck out
Eminem: Woah Woah, Jesus Christ man, alright alright, here, fine...
Steve: What's this shit?! TWO cds?
Eminem: That's what I've been trying to tell you, man. It's two albums
Steve: Just get out! Get the fuck out
Eminem: Alright, man. See you later